In order of age from right to left: Susan, Anne, Bernadette, Patrick, Nancy, Jim, Jackie & Jerry
Bernadette and granddaughter Abigail
Erik, Nathan, Lindsey & Michael, Bernadette's other grandkids
BRYANS, Bernadette Mary (nee Zettell) Passed away on her 58th birthday at Cambridge Memorial Hospital on October 31, 2011, after a brief illness. Having enjoyed retired life in Ayr the past several years along with her husband Alex, Bernadette found a second career doing service work as a Sister of Jehovah's Witnesses, to which she converted in her later life.
Survived by her parents Jerry and Loretta Zettell of Goderich, sisters Susan Zettell and husband Andy Watt of North Shore, NS, Anne Knittle and husband Peter of Brucefield, Nancy Zettell Pope and husband Rick of Ottawa, Jackie Howey and partner Mark Poser of Kitchener. Brothers Patrick and partner Cindy Friolet of Kitchener, Jim of Kitchener and Jerry of Cambridge. Bernadette leaves behind two loving daughters, Tiffany Klassen and husband Heinz of Kitchener; Kristine Collar and partner Tom Garland of Colborne. Blessed with five grandchildren, Erik and Lindsey Klassen and Nathan, Michael and Abigail Garland.
Fondly remembered by her many Brothers and Sisters in service and the Fellowship of Jehovah's Witnesses Kingdom Hall.
Bernadette was predeceased by her infant child, Sarah Collar and her brother Tom.
Bernadette's life will be celebrated at Ayr Chapel, Wm. Kipp Funeral Home , 183 Northumberland St., Ayr, on Friday, November 4 at 2 p.m., also at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses (143 King Edward St., Paris) on Saturday, November 5 at 2 p.m. All are welcome to attend.
The family will honour Bernadette's wishes for cremation. Donations to the Carcinoid-Neuroendocrine Tumor Society Canada (www.cnetscanada.org) or Cambridge Memorial Hospital (www.cmh.org). Online condolences or donations may be arranged through: www.wmkippfuneralhome.com or by contacting Wm. KIPP 519-632 8228.
A eulogy for Bernadette
I’m going to start my talk this afternoon with a piece Anne wrote in memory of both Bernadette and our brother Tom, who died on Nov. 3rd, 1987. Our Grandma Schnarr was a seamstress and a quilt maker, and this piece reflects upon the strong and loving bonds of our family, using images of quilting and sewing to illuminate the comfort that family provides.
Family Mosaic
Our family is like a quilt, comprised of many pieces.
Each piece different and unique, but when pieced and stitched together they form a beautiful mosaic.
The colours and textures vary but complement one another.
Blocks of flannel were sewn into pyjamas for the boys.
Lovely colourful floral prints were fashioned into dresses for the girls.
Crisp cottons were transformed into Lady Manhattan blouses, perfectly top stitched.
All the garments were made by loving Grandma hands, the scraps saved for wedding quilts.
The quilt is sewn in quiet contemplation, one stitch at a time, and the mosaic emerges.
Each unique piece holds its own story and place in time.
The many layers of the quilt are bound with sturdy cotton, holding all the pieces steadfast.
By design it provides warmth and comfort; it is treasured.
The more fragile fabrics wear over time and the binding frays from use and wear.
These frayed edges are lovingly repaired, reinforcing the bond between the many layers.
Stitches break, and the fullness wanes, but the loving comfort the quilt provides never diminishes.
Bernadette Mary, 31 October 1953 – 31 October 2011
Thomas Jerome, 28 June 1957 – 3 November 1987
On October 31, 1953, at our Grandma and Grandpa Schnarr’s farm in Rosedale, which is not far from Bloomingdale, my father was preparing me for trick-or-treating when my mother told him she was in labour and there would be no going out except to St. Mary’s Hospital. Bernadette Mary Zettell was born at 11:30 PM and became the third little girl in the burgeoning Zettell family. With her gentle round face, abundant dark hair, pert little mouth and turned up nose, she was very soon nicknamed Bunny, and Bunny she has remained to her family. Over the next four years our family moved three times: from the farm in Rosedale to stay with our Grandma Zettell on Chestnut St. to keep her company after our Grandpa Zettell died; to an apartment on Mansion St. not far from downtown Kitchener; and finally to the brand new bungalow on 59 Gerard St. in the brand new subdivision of Kingsdale at the very eastern edge of the city at that time. That’s the home we all grew up in, where we attended St. Aloysius School and Church and where we all mightily challenged our poor parents as teenagers and launched ourselves into the world as young adults.
Bunny was a normal little girl, a dark beauty, a lover of trees whom she saw as her friends. I have been told she was known to have intimate chats with them. She came home late for lunch most Wednesdays as Wednesday was garbage day and she liked to pick through the trash for treasures on her way home from school. She had normal childhood emergencies , like the time she swallowed a balloon and had to be taken to hospital for x-rays, and the time she stuffed stones up her nose, a habit she passed on to her daughter Tiffany who went a softer route and stuffed beans into her nose (twice) instead of stones. She had a lovely singing voice and competed in the annual school competitions singing “When Grandpa Was a Little Girl Like Me” the same year Anne sang “Shenandoah”. Bunny’s Grade Four class was in an experimental program that was offered French language classes. Perhaps that’s what sparked her love of travel in Canada and in foreign countries.
During school holidays, Bunny worked at the Dairy Queen, the beginning of her working career. She worked at Central Park Lodge where she met Lee Collar, whom she married. Bunny and Lee lost their first baby, Sarah, at birth and against her doctor’s orders she quickly got pregnant and had Tiffany, then soon after, Kristine. When her marriage to Lee ended, she and Tiffany lived together while Kristine lived with Lee. At this time Bunny started working at Zellers where she eventually retired as Personnel Manager. Not ready to give up on paid work, Bunny became the receptionist at Ayr Chiropractic, a job she absolutely loved. Her last paying job before she retired was in the office of Driver Check. I often wondered aloud if my random drug tests from my job at Brinks Canada went through her computer, but she would never say. That’s the kind of woman she was: discreet, trustworthy, honourable.
During the time Bunny worked at Zellers she met Alex Bryans on a night out with Nancy at the Coronet Hotel. Nancy told me that Alex would drive them home, but soon she realized that Alex drove her home and then stayed over with Bunny. Alex and Bernadette lived together on Lorraine Ave. in Kitchener, then moved to Cambridge. When Alex became sick with cancer, Bernadette didn’t know how to drive and because Alex’s treatments were in Toronto she decided she had to learn pronto. She commissioned Anne’s partner Pat Bolger to teach her to drive and passed her test on the first try. That week she drove to Toronto on her own to visit him. That’s the kind of woman she was: determined, brave, steadfast.
Anne told me a story about the driving lessons. Pat often took Bunny out for lessons early in the morning when there was little traffic. Without other cars to practice around he created imaginary situations. Imagine a car here and a car there, he would say, and park between them. She took the imaginary lessons seriously and come Christmas she brought Pat a great big beautifully wrapped gift with lovely bows. Pat undid the bows and removed the pretty paper and there was a box. He opened the box and it was empty. “And that, Pat,” Bunny said, “is an imaginary present.” That’s the kind of woman she was: cool, droll, very funny.
Bunny loved to drive and she loved to drive fast. She was known to get speeding tickets on occasion and in fact was known to get two in one day. If she had passengers and was talking she could be a slightly distracted driver. If you are talking to Anne, get her to tell you the story of the turtle bumps. Or better yet, ask my mother because she is the one who ended up hitting her head on the ceiling of Bunny’s car.
Bunny often worried that she had not been a very good mother, but something good must have rubbed off because Tiffany and Kristine are excellent mothers. Her glory though was her grandchildren: Erik and Lindsey Klassen, Nathan, Michael and Abigail Garland. With them her devotion, full attention and playfulness blended to creative bliss of grandmothering. From camping, to overnighters called Never say No when all sensible requests were granted, to beach days and special outings, every detail had to do with the children’s pleasure. She was the very best!
Now we come to the part of the story where Bunny became Bernadette. During her time at the Ayr Chiropractic, and maybe before, but this is when I became aware of it, Bunny began to search for some broader meaning in life. I am not sure, but I think she tried some New Age type mediations and then she opened her door one day to Debbie Conrad and she invited her in. Along with meeting a woman who would become her dearest friend, she began to study the Bible and she discovered a new way to live, a life in service, a life devoted to the teachings and the spreading of the teachings in the Bible under the guidance and love of Jehovah. Bernadette’s study released all that was fine and good in her. Her bright and quick mind was stimulated, her natural easy way with people encouraged, her sense of service, of compassion, of love was kindled and nurtured. Though her life was not always easy, she was as happy as I have ever known her, and for this she was blessed, and so were we, her family.
Bernadette’s illness came as a shock to us all. The seriousness of it, the way it so quickly incapacitated her left us breathless and heartbroken, left us longing for respite for her from her infirmity and discomfort, and scrambling for ways to help her fight against the disease, or at least to keep up with the changes it brought every day. In the end we had to accept that she was going to die sooner than we could ever have imagined. We had to accept it with the courage and grace that she did. Even in hospital in her last days she rose up to listen to a Bible reading, to tell us what she learned from the words. She rose up to try to encourage a solution to a difficult situation with her roommate. She rose up to accept and give love to those of us who came to spend time with her. She gave every little bit of herself to us all for as long as she could. And then she died and in our deep sorrow we were grateful to her, and grateful that she was no longer suffering.
I do not believe what Bernadette believed and I never will, but this is my hope for her. That what she believed will be true for her. That she will once again bodily join her brothers and sisters on earth and live the fullness of her being.
On behalf of Alex and Bernadette and our family I want to thank you all for being here today, especially those who have come from a distance. Thank you to all who brought food and flowers and sent cards, to those who called or emailed, those who visited, those who offered help and solace. You are all very kind.
To end, I want to read a list of things Bunny loved, a list Anne sent to me. She loved:
Her husband Alex, daughters Tiffany and Kristine and their partners Heinz and Tom, her grandchildren Nathan , Michael, Abigail, Erik and Lindsey, her parents Jerry and Loretta, her siblings, Suzi, Annie, Tom, Pat, Nancy, Jimmy, Jackie and Jerry and their partners and their children.
She loved:
Jehovah and the Bible, especially the Psalms
Her church family
Artichoke bites
Gorgonzola cheese
Spaghetti and meatballs
Sculptured art
Boiled wool sweaters
Going to market
A good wine and good music
Going to the beach with her grandkids
Wiping her sink, then drying it
Colourful accessories
Fuzzy socks and fuzzy blankets
Holly and Esther and Debbie
And she loved gravy on her coleslaw, which Anne assures me is really rather good
Thank you all for being here, for loving Bernadette.
